Once again, why am I here?

So, last night. What a strange mixture of.... I'm not even sure what. The ups and downs of being back in the regular home life. Sarah and Erika came home from school this weekend. I went to Sarahs for a while, and then later we went to Erika's to see her and Amber. It was so good to see them again, I miss them so much. They're the kind of friends where it doesn't matter how long you go without seeing each other, when we're together again it's the same old "SHE" team, haha. Anyway, before going to Erika's, Sarah and I went to Shekinah. Shekinah is this monthly youth service that was started up 4 or so years ago, by Stephen Page and a bunch of others. Every year the band has changed by way of people graduating and moving on. I started going last year because Jess was leading the band. And I got roped into doing over heads whenever I wasn't working. It's pretty much a social 'get to see everyone from camp thru the winter' kind of thing, more than anything else.

So, Sarah and I go. As soon as we sat down, I looked at her and said 'Remind me again why we're here." We both wanted so badly to leave. It was the weirdest feeling ever. Sarah's in the outs with the camp and Jacksonville people, so she didn't want to see them, and I just felt so out of place. I didn't really want to see anyone anyway, except a few that I didn't even get to say more than hi to. Plus, since when did Shekinah turn into a concert? I coudn't believe it. There were 10 friggin people on stage. I'm sorry, but you do not need 7 singers. It sounded absolutely terrible. There was so much disortion and feedback, not to mention way too many people that didn't have it down. It was obvious with their constant looking at each other for cues, and people coming in at the wrong times. Plus side, it was good to see Lucas up there!! He sounded really good, despite everything else. Haha tho I'm defintely a little biased towards him.
Anyway, it definitely made me realize that I've outgrown this place, especially the group of people around here that I normal would hang out with I.E. the camp people. There's so much stupidness going on around here that hardly anyone knows about, or if they do, they choose to ignore. Too much politics within the churches, and the camp especially. Some serious changes need to be made, and no one who could do anything about it, sees it. It drives me crazy. The narrowmindedness of the Chrisians in Carleton County astounds me. And how figureheads in the church can get away with constant mental abuse to their own children, and no one dares to say a word. I hate that I've come back to the same old crap. It does nothing but make me want to get away even more, which isn't such a bad thing. I fear that I'll never be able to come back here and live. Or if I do, it'll have to be a completely different life. Unless big changes are made, I don't want anything to do with all the, dare I say corruption? of this place. I realize it's like this most places, but being my home and all, I notice it so much more. I prolly sound pretty hard hearted but I could leave this place and never look back. Aside from select friends and family, I couldn't care less if I ever saw anyone again. I just don't want to be here anymore. it's funny how I've always thought I would end up here, always WANTED to end up here. Even after Summit. But living in Canmore definitely changed that. I'v totally fallen in love with that place, and all I want is to go back.